Attachment Issues

I have worked in child care almost my entire adult life and I have fell in love with so many wonderful children.  When I was working with twins I learned how a mother can love 2 children at the same time.  The love is different for each one, but one doesn't stand out more then the other, it's the same but different.  So when I got pregnant with my second baby I was not worried at all about loving it just as much as I love Blaiden (Which is A LOT).

 I was a little surprised as to how I fell in love with each of my children.  

When I was pregnant with Blaiden I know the exact moment that I fell in love with him.  I was 10 weeks pregnant and I went in for my first ultrasound.  Fred couldn't be there because he had started working.  When I saw that there was really a baby in there and that it was actually moving around I knew that I would do anything for that little baby. Not surprisingly this did not even come close to how I felt when I held that little baby boy in my arms for the first time.  I think that it is true that only a parent knows that kind of love and attachment.

This time around it was harder.  I had 2 early ultrasounds, one at 6 weeks and another at 10.  I didn't seem to have that same feeling.  I think this is in part due to the fact that we found out very early and when we found out how far along I was, I was a little disappointed because I thought I was much further along than I actually was.  I have also been pretty sick throughout the entire pregnancy so that makes it less enjoyable.  Last and the biggest reason I think is because I was really worried about how this was going to impact Blaiden.

It is amazing to me how things can change in an instant.  I had my anatomy ultrasound at 20 weeks where we were going to find out what we were having (a girl!) and make sure everything was going good.  I have been having this feeling that they were going to find something that wasn't quite right.  I guess that is why they call it a mother's intuition.  The tech asked me to use the bathroom to try and make the baby move into another position so she could get a better view of the her head.  It didn't work but Fred and I both knew that something wasn't quite right.  We went to see the Doctor after we finished and she confirmed that something wasn't right.  In that moment my attachment started with my little girl.  Now every time I feel her move I get that same feeling.  Worry mostly right now; but also, I can't wait to meet her, see what she looks like, and just hold my precious little girl.

The doctor didn't say something was wrong but she just wanted to be positive that everything was okay so she sent us to a specialist to get another ultrasound.  It was an agonizing 4 day wait.  Since then we have had 2 other ultrasounds and some extra tests done.  It seems like we have been dealing with this for the entire pregnancy when it has really only been about 2 months.